It’s ok to compare.¬†

Life shouldn’t be a competition, yet we can’t help but compare. 

I’m guilty of this all the time searching other people’s lives for something I can relate to, something I’m better at, or they’re better at and consequently judging myself because of my assumed findings.

For me this comparing fuels my self hate. Feeds the inner voice with ammo, reasons why I’m not good enough. Where it doesn’t even matter how good at something I think I am, they’re better. 

It’s worse if it’s something I’m already insecure about or relatively confident about. Made only worse if I can see unrelated similarities between me and the other person. It usually always relates to physical appearance and confidence. Followed by the usual childish mindset of it’s not fair! 

Don’t get me wrong the majority of the time I use it as a motivation to better myself. Improve on the things I feel inferior about. That’s great, well usually. Apart from I have a destructive mindset. I hit extremes immediately. There is no steady progression if its fuelled by comparison. 

Life would be so much easier, if I could just turn off that instant comparison. Yet I can’t. I’ve accepted that and that helps. Just saying it’s ok that they’re better at something than me, it’s not an issue if they are more popular or fitter than me. It’s OK! Definitely helps take some of the pressure off. 

It’s difficult though, the voices still scream at me but I’m learning to ignore them. It’s OK to compare, it’s natural. What’s not OK is to determine your self worth from your comparisons. That is what needs changing. 

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Accept the journey 

Stop,  just for a moment, whatever you’re doing,  take a  break.

 I know it’s absurd, we’ve been taught all our lives to just,  keep, going. But just stop. Because wherever you’re going it’s  not worth it. 

Stop looking to the future, stop planning to be happy,  stop preparing for life. Because it is happening… right now. 

Just look around, each one of us is living our life, right now. The most of us are all working towards something we’ve been told is important. 

But is it? 

What’s really important? What really matters? At the end of it we all die. So what are we doing?

All blindly following a silently  agreed time line. Writing your lists and checking things off. We call it successful, happiness, having our life together. But is it? 

What are we really doing, other than just dropping on a conveyor belt and falling off the other end?

There is no meaning, no purpose, no reason. Stop trying to look for one, stop trying to force meaning into something that simply doesn’t exist. Just stop. 

Stand back for a moment. Look at your life, right now. I don’t mean where you’ve come from or where you’re planning on going,  but right now. What are you doing. Who are you. Are you living? Or are you just bumbling along the conveyor, jumping through hoops. Believing all of this has some sort of meaning. 

Take some time each day to just be, a moment to appreciate the wonder of human nature,  that despite no reason we just keep on striving for more. 

We’re living a sandbox game with a few optional challenges but ultimately you decide what to do. Do you follow the tasks step by step, enjoying the temporary sense of achievement, unlocking more tasks. Or do we step out, onto the grass and make our own goddamn path. Build an empire and then destroy the lot. 

Lets stop  jumping over the fences disguised as choices, whilst we’re on the belt there’s no change of direction it’s just an illusion. Life’s not just going to stop and you can’t run from the fall. 

You can fight it, dream big on the success ladder and think of it as progress. Or you can sit back and enjoy the ride, put the lists down,  stop doing and start being.  

In the end the only one controlling the journey is you. There is no wrong decision. There is no failure when success is simply a delusion. Be free. Live now. 

The sleepy philosopher

Sleep. It never really happens when you want it to. Laying down in bed and suddenly you become a philosopher. Questions everywhere. Not the type of questions that have definite answers either. The sort of questions you can google and get only opinions on. Some thoughts are kind. Some are science based. Not all.

Why do we see colours? – Easy.

Do we all actually see the same colour? – Good question. 

How do colours even exist? – Don’t

Do we even exist? –  Here we go.

My thought process almost always ends up on that last ultimate question. It can go two ways, I am either asleep before I reach that point, or I am not sleeping tonight and I am probably headed straight for an existential crises. Again.

I envy those able to fall asleep without contemplating life’s most challenging questions. I can only (day) dream that one day it will take less than three hours of fun trying to convince myself I am tired, yes I did check the doors 16 times, no I do not want to remember that time I fell up the stairs, I do need sleep and I do not need to know how the universe was created right now.

What makes it more fun is I usually have a toddler pulling at my top wanting milk just as I was drifting off… Just what I needed.

So if you’re up reading this in the dead of the night. What’s keeping you up? What thoughts are currently floating around that sleepy head of yours?

I’m off to look up why we have hair, don’t wait up.